I wish I had a husband. A husband to sit on the couch on the weekend and yell at me for a beer because the husband can not get up in the middle of the 3rd quarter of the present football game while I run around the kitchen trying to prepare the dinner. While making sure that the food is warm, table is set, and the kids are seated, I want a husband who can ask me over and over "How long until we eat?".
On top of this I wish I had a husband who let me take care of the kids... all the time. A husband that leaves in the morning to go to work, letting me wake up the children, dress them, and feed them, all while getting myself ready for my own job. The husband would let me find a way to get off work early in order to pick up the kids from school and then take them to after school sports and appointments. He would allow me to schedule and keep track of all of his appointments because in a perfect world, he would never be able to do that himself.
I want a husband who can work late and come home expecting dinner to be made. Not only that, but I want a husband who wants me to look like I have all day to just work out, even though I am constantly busy. And the perfect husband would be on who demands that I look perfect, at all times. I would love to be a trophy wife, making sure that my hair and nails and make-up and tan are always perfect. I want a husband whose extent of "helping out around the house" is to hammer a loose nail, or change a light-bulb. My husband will then get to complain about his job while I listen and take care of him because he won't care about my feelings or my day.
My husband will be so wonderful that he will let me do his laundry and make sure the house is perfectly clean. He will be sure to throw huge party's and dinner's at the house so that everyone can tell him how beautiful his home is, and how wonderful the party is. I want a husband who, after wishing all of the guests goodbye, will go to bed, so graciously allowing me the honor of cleaning up. Oh how I truly want a husband!
Olivia I thought this was hilarious, a very accurate portrayl of a husband indeed (;. I am suprised however due to the fact I expected your opening line to be "I want a husband who is the ruler of a foreign country..so I can take it over". Great essay really fun to read!
ReplyDeleteYour commentary on cleaning and appointments seemed very accurate. I also liked the irony of you calling yourself a trophy wife who works and takes care of the children.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed imagaining you as a trophy wife. This was funny but also made me a little depressed to think that this is how some husbands could act. I felt like I identified with the struggle you identify of keeping everything in the house together while looking perfect.
ReplyDeleteThis was a great essay, if only for the fact that I would never in a million years imagine you in this situation! It was very entertaining to read, as well as being an apt description of many marriages.
ReplyDeleteLove the verbal irony. This is a very well written parody.
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